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Improving Communication Skills: Five Ways You’re Undermining Your Credibility As Soon As You Open Your Mouth
Women face enough barriers in the business world, in the form of unspoken prejudices and generalised preconceptions, without contributing to our own downfall. How we communicate is crucial and can be our most effective tool in creating a level playing field.
Here I’ve put together five very common communication mistakes we make, subconsciously or otherwise, and offer tips and techniques on how we can avoid them.
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Putting yourself down – without even realising
Ever apologised when you’ve done nothing wrong? You might do it every day without noticing. Saying ‘sorry’ when someone walks in a room and you’re playing music, for example. You were in a room on your own: you can do what you like. Women tend to apologise more readily than men. Dr Judith Baxter – a senior lecturer in Applied Linguistics at Aston University – defined this tendency as ‘double-voiced discourse’ – a term referring to second guessing possible negative reactions and pre-empting them by using self-put-downs. So you might say “I realise I’m talking too much…..” in a networking conversation when you’re doing nothing of the sort. Alternatively, you might add “sorry if I’ve missed something here…..” in a group discussion meeting, when actually the speaker hasn’t made a clear point. Our self-depreciating language can show a charming humility sometimes, but we can also avoid it to show more assertiveness and credibility.
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Not appreciating the value of silence
Active listening is the art of getting more from people in a conversation. Moreover, your comfort with silence shows that you can earn respect without going over the top trying to prove yourself. Silence gives a greater sense of authority and confidence than spewing out your knowledge. Here are four ways you can demonstrate effective listening:
- Empathy – encourage people to open up and feel understood by showing empathy and using phrases like “that’s interesting”.
- Paraphrasing – reflecting back on what’s just been said reduces the chance of conflict and reassures the speaker that you have understood, for example by saying “so what you mean is this….”.
- Vocalise – adding a ‘yes’ and an ‘u-huh’ is an easy way to show you are engaged and encourages the speaker to continue, especially on the phone
- Visual – a nod or a subtle facial expression – without overdoing it – shows that you are listening.
Effective listening is an essential part of improving your communication skills.
Harvard professor, Rosabeth Moss Kanter said that ‘charisma’ is the quality of silence as well as speech, meaning that active listening is vital in earning you respect as well as helping others to engage with you and conveying a message which aids everyone’s understanding.
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Excessively high vocal pitch
You’ll be amazed how people listen to you when there’s even a slight lowering in vocal pitch. This works in shops, on the phone to people you’ve never met and when presenting to clients or colleagues. It projects calm and authority, drawing people in. Lowering your vocal pitch adds gravitas, as it exudes a self-confidence in your communication. People are more likely to presume you know what you’re talking about.
Another vocal technique to consider is avoiding ‘dribbling’, which refers to the habit of muttering the last word of a sentence, making it indecipherable. There are several reasons speakers do this such as the anxiety to speed through to the next stage of a presentation or poor breath support. It sounds unnatural and due to the fact that it makes important content inaudible, there’s you’re likely to lose people’s attention. Ensuring you maintain projection to the last stressed syllable of a phrase and using pauses to breath are two of the techniques that help rid speakers of this habit.
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Uptalking
This is the habit of making every statement or phrase sound like a question, by raising your voice with the last word. It seemed to creep into our language in the 1990s from American or Australian culture. It undermines credibility, it may convey a lack of confidence and even incompetence. Think teen movie chat by the lockers.
We can avoid uptalking by emphasising the key words and phrases as we speak, rather than the last word. This mitigates the need to raise our tone at the end. For example when saying “she has such selective listening” emphasise the word ‘selective’ rather than the last word ‘listening’. This technique also supports meaning as the words we choose to emphasise express our intentions. This is called ‘paralinguistics’ and ignoring this will undermine your ability to communicate your message. Practise by recording yourself reading something mundane off the back of a cereal packet or a spam mail leaflet, and it gets you out of a bad habit quickly.
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Filling pauses
We talked earlier about the value of silence in listening. Pausing during interpersonal communication or formal presentations is invaluable too. Pausing makes a key point stand out, adding intention to your words. Without it, you risk sounding as if you’re transmitting nothing more than a robotic reproduction of something previously presented. Moreover, pausing gives the listener time to digest what you’ve said, allowing them to connect both cognitively and emotionally with your words as they relate your content to their own experience. And of course, pausing before answering a question shows consideration and respect.
In a speech or presentation it’s natural to feel anxious, so pausing can help regulate your breathing and get rid of nervous energy, in order to clear your thought processes. Despite your nerves, it projects a sense of authority, which creates a virtuous circle of greater confidence. As Mark Twain stated, “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”
When to effective communication, women can make impactful adjustments. By recognizing common pitfalls—such as over-apologizing, underestimating the power of silence, and using a high vocal tone—we can enhance their presence and influence. Let’s embrace these practical changes and amplify our voices with confidence. Need some more advice? Learn how to improve your communication skills with a communications course by Frankie Kemp.
AUTHOR: Isabella Goode
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About the Author Jackie Groundsell
Jackie Groundsell -The Connector, owner of 1230 The Women’s Company (TWC) is also known as the queen of women's business networking meetings and events. As a businesswoman herself for the past 25 + years, she’s been there, done that and got the T-shirt! She’s an approachable recognised business Expert, Mentor, IT Trainer and has e supported thousands of small business owners through her events and lunch-time meetings Jackie is also a weekly Radio presenter, reaching and supporting even further into the business world. ... and would love to hear from you.